We have been in a serious relationship for the last year now. Last night after I got home I was surprised to see your letter in my Google webmaster tools account.
Here is an extract of what you said
We’ve detected that some of your site’s pages may be using techniques that are outside Google’s Webmaster Guidelines.
Specifically, look for possibly artificial or unnatural links pointing to your site that could be intended to manipulate PageRank. Examples of unnatural linking could include buying links to pass PageRank or participating in link schemes.
We encourage you to make changes to your site so that it meets our quality guidelines. Once you’ve made these changes, please submit your site for reconsideration in Google’s search results.
If you find unnatural links to your site that you are unable to control or remove, please provide the details in your reconsideration request.
If you have any questions about how to resolve this issue, please see our Webmaster Help Forum for support.
Google Search Quality Team
I am really confused and this has put a strain on our relationship.
When we first started dating you never asked me for a list of all the people I previously dated before.
Now out of nowhere you send this note to me.
I am at a loss for what to do.
As I said I am in for the long run and one day I hope to settle down with you.
And now it seems every six months or so you give me a new surprise.
And this letter…
…This is the first that you even sent me a letter.
I am glad I checked because I did not even know it existed.
Okay I understand that you want me to go back and confess to my past actions.
But you just cannot let it go can you.
I mean isn’t it easier to move forward, than reliving the past again.
Here is what I am willing to admit.
I engaged in techniques that you perceive that put our relationship in jeopardy.
Let’s get one thing straight.
How I behaved in the past does not reflect how our relationship will turn out.
You have to let me prove it to you.
So here is what I am going to do.
I am going to write back to you. I am calling this my reconsideration request letter.
I really want to get it on with you and do not want this relationship to break up.
My future is dependant on making you happy.
And moving forward I am prepared to give you all my attention. Only the best dinners. Only hanging out with high quality and special friends and making you part of the best social circle you ever joined in your life.
You will trust me again and promise no more one night stands.
I will be your slave.
This is the best I can do.
I never confessed to anything before and as you can tell we have always been good together.
So please forgive me. Give me one last chance and I will make it up to you
Thanks again for making me grovel and be your sex slave
PS – Over the last few weeks I had many people contact me with this letter from Google. Some did not know they even got this and only found out after we checked their Webmaster tools account. This is a tongue in cheek response to that. If you have this letter take some action. The most important thing you can do is to add more quality content to your site. If not contact us to set up a call and I will do my best to help you get through this issue.