Yes, I know this is an odd topic for Super Trainer. However, it could be the most important lesson in your life. Sociopathic people are dangerous, manipulative and don’t give a damn about you!
Here’s a quick back story:
I, JSE, have been the victim of more than one sociopath. They were a former girlfriend (many years ago), an employee, and a business associate. Believe me, I have my sociopathic radar on constant high alert now.
The crazy part about being a victim (and that’s what you are) of a sociopath is that you start to think that you are nuts. They are so good at their craft, you are wondering if you are just imagining things. You are not. That crap is real!
I learned why I had “attracted” these jack asses. Through discovery, I learned that sociopaths seek out those who are willing to help and those they can “extract” from. I’ve always wanted to help as many people as possible, and each of these three people had something to gain (money, prestige, power, opportunity, a list).
Here’s a funny example: Have you ever watched The Bachelor TV show? (Ok Sam, I watch it sometimes…. I live with my wife and two teen girls). Anyway…. Have you noticed that the women in the group will often learn how manipulative and conniving one of the women are? They all see it. They know the girl is a whack job. Yet, the bachelor is blinded by the manipulation, odd attraction and persuasion. The women have never been wrong. In the end, the guy gets the clues, or is screwed over in some way. Yes, it can be reverse with the dude being a wackadoo as well!
Why the bachelor example? It’s a perfect snap shot of what you should notice in your own life. If a group of people who don’t all know each other, who all have different background, different business models, different political views, and represent both genders, all come to the same basic conclusion about someone – THEY ARE RIGHT!
In each of my experiences with sociopaths, I was told by others I respect (but foolishly ignored)… “Say away from him, he is up to no good, there is something wrong with her, that guy is a dirt bag, he is creepy” ….and the list goes on!
1. Pay attention to your gut. This is your enteric nervous system. Check out this info.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enteric_nervous_system
2. Don’t rely on testimonials provided by coaches, mentors or self-proclaimed gurus. Do other research and protect yourself.
3. If someone/something feels sliming, dirty, manipulative, subliminal, sneaky, stealth, or unethical – RUN LIKE HELL. Yes, there is likely intimidation involved if you try to run. F’em, run any ways. It’s all BS.
4. If anyone has befriended you (maybe at an oddly convenient time to benefit them), be cautious.
5. If someone in your organization is strongly disliked by others, get rid of them. There is likely far more to the story that you realize.
6. If it seems there is an intentional build up of excitation just before you are asked to do something (or buy in) and it just doesn’t feel right, DON’T DO IT. It’s been part of their plan for a long time. You just caught on late.
Here is a list of ways to identify a sociopath.
This list is from “Profile of a Sociopath.” It is a pretty good list of sociopathic indicators.
- Glibness/superficial charm
- Manipulative and conning
- Grandiose sense of self
- Pathological lying
- Lack of remorse, shame or guilt
- Shallow emotions
- Incapacity for love
- Need for stimulation
- Callousness/lack of empathy
- Poor behavioral controls/impulsive nature
- Early behavior problems/juvenile delinquency
- Irresponsibility/unreliability
- Promiscuous sexual behavior/infidelity
- Lack of realistic life plan/parasitic lifestyle
- Criminal or entrepreneurial versatility
- Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
- Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
- Authoritarian
- Secretive
- Paranoid
- Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
- Conventional appearance
- Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
- Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life
- Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim’s affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
- Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
- Incapable of real human attachment to another
- Unable to feel remorse or guilt
- Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)
- May state readily that their goal is to rule the world
source: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_know_if_someone_is_a_sociopath
Another interesting thing about sociopaths is that their mental defect (and it is just that) is usually spurred from some type of adolescent or teen event such as a troubled youth, abandonment, extreme loss, abuse, etc.
ALTHOUGH THIS IS SAD, YOU CANNOT FIX THEM. DO NOT TRY. JUST STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THEM. THEY ONLY WANT TO TAKE FROM YOU.
A couple final notes:
An interesting thing you can observe about sociopaths is the following: They will often change their appearance as they mold into new surroundings or try to represent themselves to those they want to victimize. They will often have legal problems of some type (law suits/threats), and will constantly seek new victims as others catch on to their efforts to deceive and manipulate.
Casey Anthony is a classic (yet extreme) example of a sociopath. Constant lies, manipulation, lack of remorse, story spinning and now this crazy new look, as part of her reinvention to work her “magic” all over again. It doesn’t end, and you cannot fix them, you just have to run in the other direction.
The more successful you become, the more sociopaths will try to “extract” from you. Catch on early and RUN. Don’t worry, these sociopaths are already on to their next victim. It’s in their DNA. It’s a revolving door of deception, manipulation and greed.
If you like, share your story below.
Thank. Be safe!
Dr. John Spencer “JSE” Ellis
www.JohnSpencerEllis.com
Ok.
Question. I identified myself as having 3 of those above qualities….every now and then 4.
(none of them stiffing people, manipulation, or empathy)…
can i still be a mentor when the dust settles?
Some really interesting points made here John. One of the biggest takeaways in this is the first point you mentioned.
That is listening to your gut. I’ve found that listening to my gut has saved me numerous times from bad partnerships, business deals, and from crazy people. When I go against my gut I end up with more problems than I would like, and always gets me into trouble.
Never doubt your gut. It will save you from sociopaths
I was a victim too. I kept at it thinking it was me not doing something right in my marketing strategies. I used the scripts in hair salons and tanning salons. All that did was get me kicked out the door. It affected my group training. I was told I came across fake with the high energy crap. It’s good to have high energy but be yourself. Show that you truly care. My coaching consisted of go into 50 businesses and bring the energy and they will all want to go to your bootcamp. I was drawn by all these other people who had become very successful at this. All it did was piss people off. I realized that this was all BS and got out. A big was of my my $4000.
I thought of something else that you should know.
A sociopath (or someone with borderline personality disorder) CANNOT CHANGE. So, if they “go away” and then claim they have changed their ways, they have not. Don’t believe for a second that their brain functions any differently….. it’s isn’t any different. The only change is the way they will try to snow you.
Ironically, when a sociopath reads this blog post, he will deny being a sociopath and think this is about someone else. Funny…. and scary!
May be most of sociopaths can`t change, but others can. I used to be one, and I’m still misanthrope, but I can control myself in order to not hurt or damage in any way other people. I even decided to live in seclusion for a long time to prevent relapses. BTW, I suffer from psychopathy, (related with Antisocial Personality Disorder). I’m not clear about if the things I made were good or bad, I don’t know if I feel guilt, but I KNOW I won’t be there again, I know that because my will is strong. You can hate me, of course, you have the right to feel as you want, I’m just telling what I feel from my point of view to show that oversimplifications are dangerous too.